dear universe,

Harry Potter and the Times He Was Brilliantly Sarcastic

nevillethebamf:

“Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher. There was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head!”

“Well, I had one that I was playing Quidditch the other night,” said Ron, screwing up his face in an effort to remember. “What do you think that means?”
“Probably that you’re going to be eaten by a giant marshmallow or something,” said Harry.

“Wow, I wonder what it’d be like to have a difficult life?” said Harry sarcastically.

“Cool name,” said Harry, grinning, “but you’ll always be Ickle Diddykins to me.”

“Listening to the news! Again?”
“Well, it changes every day, you see,” said Harry.

“You know your mother, Malfoy? The expression on her face - like she’s got dung under her nose? Is she like that all the time or just because you were with her?”

“And they’d [the Death Eaters] love to have me,” said Harry sarcastically. “We’d be best pals if they didn’t keep trying to do me in.”

“This is night, Diddykins. That’s what we call it when it goes all dark like this.”

“Brilliant! It’s Potions last thing on Friday! Snape won’t have the time to poison us all!”

“Pity you can’t attach an extra arm to yours [broom], Malfoy. Then it could catch the Snitch for you.”

“I don’t know who Maxime thinks she’s kidding. If Hagrid’s half-giant, she definitely is. Big bones… the only thing that’s got bigger bones than her is a dinosaur.”

(via exhale-desire)